


Want

by gingayellow



Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 11:38:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8843281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingayellow/pseuds/gingayellow
Summary: What Ichijou wants and what Godai needs are two different things [Godai/Ichijou, post-series/spoilers apply. Small CW for alluded to trauma]





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CurryJolokia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurryJolokia/gifts).



Title: Want  
Fandom: Kamen Rider Kuuga  
Characters/Pairing: Godai Yuusuke/Ichijou Kaoru  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: Not mine, anything mentioned here by name isn't mine  
Warnings: Alluded to trauma  
Notes: Post-series, spoilers apply. Written for CurryJolokia, and I hope you like it! I experimented with the concept a bit, so I guess we'll see how it works out. ;;

\--

Ichijou’s life was ruled by routine.

He woke up. He had his coffee and read his paper. He drove to work, worked, ran any errands that needed completion, and then returned home to rest. Some might find it tedious, but after the last year, Ichijou was fine with a lack of excitement in his life.

Of course, there were a few nosy and/or well-meaning people that tried to get him to become more involved with the outside world. Face beet read and stammering, Kameyama had suggested that Ichijou come jogging with him on Mondays. Ichijou had been flattered, but politely refused the request.

It just wouldn’t be the same.

\--

He had Sundays off. It was his one day to indulge his desires.

So, as usual, Ichijou made himself a cup of tea and waited by the phone.

As usual, it didn’t ring. But he still sipped his tea and waited.

Just in case.

\--

So when the phone finally did ring on a Monday afternoon of all times, Ichijou was flustered. To put it mildly.

He’d been in the middle of taking off his shoes, and in his rush to get to the phone (it would just be work, it was always work, his mother called only on special occasions, and there was no one else anymore who would want to talk to him) he nearly tripped. He took a moment to collect himself before answering the phone.

_Ichijou-san?_

The world stopped in that moment.

He wasn’t quite sure what he had—he was sputtering, stammering, trying to get everything out all at once, because who knew when Godai was going to return? Who knew if he’d even call again?

Finally, Godai had to ask him to calm down.

_Do you want me to come back to you, Ichijou-san?_

Of course he did. He wanted that more than anything in the world. But this wasn’t about him. Godai had given so much of himself to stop the Grongi—it hadn’t been his duty. It hadn’t been his job. He’d become Kuuga—and suffered as Kuuga—because it was the right thing to do.

Because all he wanted was to help Ichijou.

So, Ichijou took a deep breath, and told Godai that he should come back only if he wanted to.

_Okay._

Godai hung up.

Godai didn’t come back to Ichijou that day.

Or the next day.

Or the following six months after that phone call.

\--

Ichijou went to work. He came home. Because even if no one wanted him, he still had a duty.

Work was done, so he was going to go home, park his car, heat up some ramen, and sleep. He still had his cell prone for work, but he’d stopped paying for his landline months ago.

He parked his car, and then stepped out to his front door. It was getting colder, so which meant Ichijou now had to contend with his winter coat and its pockets that were so large, it seemed like anything and everything could get lost in their depths. Ichijou frowned at his check in his right pocket for his keys, but kept grabbing receipts instead. He huffed—perhaps they were in his other pocket? And sure enough, there they were. Good.

“Oh, there **were** in your other pocket after all, Ichijou-san. What a relief!”

For one moment, Ichijou couldn’t believe someone had snuck on him like that, and he was this close to getting ready to defend himself—and then he saw who it was.

Godai smiled awkwardly (but it was a real smile, and that was all that Ichijou really cared about). “Um. Hi. I tried calling you to let you know that I was here, but your phone must be busted or something.”

Again, Ichijou wasn’t quite sure what he was saying but the word _why_ might have been in there, somewhere.

Godai smiled again. It was still awkward, but there was a shadow of guilt there as well. “You said to come home when I wanted to. I wanted to.” He ducked his head. “Um. If you’ll have me, that is.”

Ichijou was still in a daze, but he had enough sense to let Godai in the house.

\--

Ichijou did not, in fact, have heated up ramen that night. Godai found the ingredients necessary for miso soup (“You just for off from work, Ichijou-san, and it’s November. You need something better than instant ramen, but something that’s still warm as well.”) Ichijou had planned to protest that it was rude to expect his house guest to cook for him, but then he got a whiff of his first home cooked meal in months, and he decided that maybe, just this once, he would be selfish—

“Godai, don’t.”

Godai made a face as he poured the soup into bowls. “I wish you’d told me that before I finished making dinner, Ichijou-san.” He laughed lightly. “Not that it would have stopped me, but still.”

“I mean it.” It wasn’t until Godai looked up at him, eyes huge, that Ichijou realized that he had raised his voice—and that he needed to do something, otherwise he really would never see Godai again. “About when we last spoke. I didn’t mean to push you away.”

Godai… just shook his head. “Actually, that was exactly what I needed to hear.”

“I. I’m sorry?”

Now Godai was pouring their drinks, hair obscuring his eyes. “I, um. I wasn’t in a good place when I last talked to you. I thought if I just had some incentive to come back to Japan I could force myself to return, but in retrospect I think it would have done more harm than good.” With his freed hand, he pushed his bangs out of his eyes and smile at Ichijou. “When you said that it was okay to come back when I wanted, that gave me some much needed time and space.”

Ichjou’s guts were twisting, and despite his most fervent wishes, the ground wasn’t swallowing him up. “I **did** want to you to come back, though.”

“… Ichijou-san.”

“And I’m sorry. That was selfish of me.”

“Ichijou-san, look at me.” Suddenly, Godai was right in front of him, smile warm and easy. “You wanted that, but put that aside for my sake.” Godai glanced down at his boots and cleared his throat. “Ah, no one’s done that for me before. So, thank you.” 

Then Godai squeezed Ichijou’s hands. “Now, c’mon. The soup’s getting cold.”

“Okay.” Ichijou smiled himself. “Okay.”

\--

Dinner went by quietly, which was frustrating and nostalgic in equal measure. It was nostalgic because they had done this more than once before—after a long day, Godai would take Ichijou either to his work or to his apartment, and make him something to eat. No words would be exchanged (especially near the end), but they would enjoy each other’s company.

It was frustrating because there was so much Ichijou wanted to ask him.

_How long are you staying. Where will you go next. Are you planning to return to Japan at all after you leave._

_Did you really want to come back._

_Did you really want to come back to me._

“Anyways, how are you, Ichijou-san?”

Ichijou nearly choked on his soup. “I. I’m sorry?”

Godai’s smile was every bit as gentle as Ichijou remembered. “Well, I’m not the only one who had to work through stuff after, well. You know.”

Ichijou stared at the mean that Godai had been kind enough to prepare for him. Godai was so good to him. He didn’t deserve Godai, really. “It was nothing, compared to what you—”

Godai’s hand—warm and real and human, no matter what anyone said—shut Ichijou up. “We’re not talking about me right now, Ichijou-san.” Godai’s voice was as gentle as his smile. “I want to be there for you.”

Godai just wanted to help.

And honestly, that was the problem.

“You didn’t deserve anything of what happened to you.” Before Godai could redirect the conversation, Ichijou gave him a pointed look. “And I should have said something. I should have made sure there was some safety net, because goodness knows I’m no good at offering support.” His mother was a nurse. His father had been one of them most dedicated officers in Japan. And he had failed to live up to either one of their examples. “But I—I was selfish. I wanted you with me.”

“Ichicjou-san, it’s not selfish if you want someone with you—”

“It is when he’s just a goofball that wants to have fun, and you manipulate him into helping you fight a war!” His voice was loud, it echoed off of the sparsely decorated walls of Ichijou’s apartment.

“I’m sorry.” He’d been shouting before, but now he could barely manage a whisper. “I. I should go. Thank you very much for the meal.”

“Ichijou-san—”

“Don’t try to stop me.” Ichijou had already shrugged his coat back on, and was reaching for his shoes.

“Ichijou-san, you can’t run away from your house!”

Oh. Right. He’d been so caught up in his own feelings (usually he prided himself on his reserved nature, but Godai always managed to tear down his walls without even trying), he’d honestly forgotten.

Godai cleared his throat. “I mean, I guess that you could, but I don’t have any keys to lock up, so I’d be stuck here until you came back. Um, but seriously, if you want me to leave—”

Ichijou shouted again, loud enough to make Godai jump in his seat.

“Sorry. Again.” There had been times he’d wondered how meeting with Godai Yuusuke again would go. In his happier moments, he imagined himself managed to ease any lingering worries Godai had with a few choice words, because even if Ichijou wasn’t very verbal, he knew Godai’s heart. But right now? Right now both of them were a mess, and he didn’t know what to say. “I wanted you to come back, and it was selfish of me. You were willing every step of the way, but I still took advantage of that, and that’s something I can never forgive myself for.”

Godai was silent for a long time. Long enough to make Ichijou feel uneasy. But then…

Godai was holding him gently, warm and real and **there**. “Okay. You don’t have to forgive yourself. But how about I forgive you then, hunh?”

“Godai—” 

“Ichijou, I got to meet you. I get to become your friend.” He held Ichijou a little tight, like he was the one afraid that Ichijou might vanish. “I got to see the wonderful man underneath that super cool cop veneer.” 

Despite everything, Ichijou felt himself smile. “I think after tonight, any claims I had to coolness are long gone.” 

“Enh. Coolness is overrated.” Godai rested his chin on Ichijou’s shoulder. “You were one of the few good things that came out of my being Kuuga, and I will not let myself forsake that.” Then there was a pause. “Um. You know. If you’re okay with that, I understand it—” 

Now Ichijou laughed. “I’m fine with it. All I want to know now is if it’s okay for me to kiss you.” 

“Always, Ichijou-san. Always.” 

Ichijou was fairly sure that their first kiss was not amazing. He had almost no experience, and Godai kept giggling as they kissed. But it was Godai pressed against him, home and happy and believing in Ichijou again. Things had changed, but what really mattered had remained the same. 

“Wow.” Godai rested his forehead against Ichijou’s. “I can see myself returning to Japan a bit more than usual now.” 

Ichijou smiled. “I can live with that, I think.” 

Then they kissed again, and it was much nicer (although Godai kept giggling through it again). 

Ichijou ‘punished’ Godai by making him do the dishes after dinner. 

\-- 

“Did you mean that?” 

“Hm?” Godai was still working in the kitchen, this time wiping down the counters. 

“You know. About coming back to Japan more often now.” 

Godai gave him a wide grin. “If it means that I get to kiss you some more, then yes. More than anything.” 


End file.
